What Do You Want Your 2021 to Look Like?

I think it’s safe to say bidding farewell to 2020 was a highlight to the start of 2021. And while there are positive things on the horizon, it’s an understatement to say 2021 has continued to bestow us with challenges.  Such is life and the storms it presents.  There’s a Yiddish saying, “When man plans, God laughs.” If that’s true, I’m pretty sure God is in hysterics.  Unfortunately, there is no magic wand, button or timeframe for those challenges to just disappear along with the stress associated with them.  

With a pandemic, civil unrest, and let’s not forget the California fires in 2020, it would be surprising if our stress didn’t increase over the last year.  The pandemic alone was enough to cause that.  Remember toilet paper shortages?  Who knew running out of TP was a thing.  Now we’re in 2021 and a mob takes over the Capitol on January 6th.  What year and universe are we in?!  Needless to say, my news consumption that week was off the charts and no doubt added to my discomfort and uncertainty.    

Stress is a part of our lives.  We experienced it before the craziness of 2020, and we will experience it after everything subsides.  As individuals we don’t have control over the virus, the government, and violence from others, etc.  What IS in our control is how we deal with the stress.  One place to start is how we view it.  Is it a learning opportunity or a pain in the a**? Maybe it’s both.  What if you viewed it as more of a learning opportunity? What would change for you then? I’m not implying your level of Zen would match that of the Dali Lamas, but sometimes a small shift can make a big difference. 

What can we do when we’re faced with a continued pandemic, and civil unrest while juggling our daily lives?  If your answer is to continue doing what you’ve been doing, my question to you would be, “How satisfied are you with the results you are getting?”  Are there things you keep hoping will change and they’re not?  Some people might say they’ve been doing all they can and that’s good enough.  Maybe it is, but don’t you deserve better than good enough? 

How do you take care of yourself when the uncertainty of life washes over you?  Have you ever thought about making stress your friend?  What would that look like?  For those of us that rely on self-care, this past year has challenged us to rely on that like a life preserver. Do you know what works for you?  Are there activities you engage in that help you work through the storms of life?  Maybe it’s reaching out to a friend, exercise, meditation, being creative or allowing yourself to grieve.  Did you adopt a pet, take up yoga, give back to the community in some way?  If you live with your family have you been able to get time alone?  If you live alone have you been able to connect with others?   

The first of the year usually signifies a time to start fresh and implement the resolution(s) you decided on.  As most of us know, resolutions don’t necessarily last.  Picture your local gym in January compared to March.  Everyone has good intentions and most people start out with a bang until the wheels fall off.  So, why don’t resolutions usually stick?  In general, people unknowingly set themselves up for failure with resolutions that aren’t specific enough.  For example, I want to be more fit vs. I want to run a 5K by May.  Setting attainable goals and incorporating small habit changes into your life will better support whatever resolution(s) you’ve chosen.   

How do you want your 2021 to be?  What do you need to do differently in order to make that happen? Do you first have to believe and trust that you can make it happen?  How can a coach help you get what you want?  Have you ever felt better about something after you’ve said it out loud to a friend?  Sometimes expressing what we’ve been thinking can provide us with a new perspective or how we feel about it becomes clearer.  The nice thing about having a coach is that a coach doesn’t judge you and whatever you share is completely confidential.  When you’re regularly working with a coach there’s built-in accountability and support.  

As a life, career and wellness coach, I support my clients through various challenges by working with them on their character strengths (an approach based on science of positive psychology).  How can your strength of humor help you get through adversity? I know it has helped me even when I haven’t necessarily felt like laughing.  Maybe your character strengths of hope, perspective or leadership can help you stay on track for your 2021 goals or determine what those goals are.    

We all have choices, are you going to be resigned or are you going to take action and do something different? You deserve the support to have what you want in 2021.

It’s Not You, It’s COVID-19

I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase, “it’s not you it’s me,” made popular by Seinfeld in the early 90’s.  But in this case, it’s actually COVID-19 creating fear and hurt feelings.  Everyone’s comfort level is different in terms of how we choose to interact with our fellow humans around the coronavirus.  We’re social beings, and even introverts like me need to be connected to others. So, how do you get work done, have family time and hang out with your friends when the people you either love or have to interact with are on a different part of the COVID-19 navigation spectrum?  What’s the COVID-19 navigation spectrum?  I’m using it in reference to the individual tolerance and comfort levels we all have when it comes to physical distancing. Do you know where you fall on that spectrum? 

I recently had conversations with a few different people about situations they encountered in work settings.  One friend recently started going into work once a week and she’s on the more cautious (wears a mask, stays six feet from people, not traveling) end of that spectrum.  She has her own office and mostly feels comfortable there because the building is cleaned on a regular basis, most people are wearing masks, and meetings are held in giant conference rooms where people are spread out.  At one particular meeting she was faced with a choice when a senior leader sat within her six-foot bubble.  How would you have felt? 

 As she felt her blood start to boil, she asked him to sit further away from her.  He complied and still wasn’t six feet away.  She asked him again to move further away from her, which he did.  How difficult do you think it was to make that request of a senior leader?  How would you have handled it?  If you’re lucky enough to have a job, are you going to ask a person of seniority to move once… let alone twice?  

How many of us have been in similar situations since we’ve been wearing masks and dehydrating our hands with sanitizer?  Even though it wasn’t easy, my friend ultimately made a choice to set a boundary in honor of her health.  She did it despite whatever uncomfortable feelings came up for her, and in doing so called upon her strengths of honesty, bravery, and perseverance.   What strengths of yours could you use in a similar situation?  One of the tools I use in my practice as a certified life and wellness coach focuses on my clients’ strengths which are based on positive psychology.  Using your strengths in managing stress is connected with resilience and the research shows applying your strengths can help you thrive. 

Making requests and standing up for what you believe in is the first step in potentially getting what you need, and in some cases what you need for your health.  If you don’t ask, most likely nothing will change.   We all get to decide what’s important to us and when we should make those requests that are uncomfortable.  Have you considered what you need and want?  The answer is different for everyone.  My job as a coach is to create awareness around what’s important to my clients as it relates to their values, and what they choose to do about it while supporting them along the way.  

Some of us are obviously more anxious than others when it comes to being around people we’re not quarantining with.  Have you physically been going to work? How do you tell your boss or co-workers without being insulting, “get away from me?”  Unless you channel Ricky Gervais, you may find it difficult. Would you be less anxious if you knew in advance how you wanted to handle a situation?   Most likely the answer is yes, and you would probably have more of a response as opposed to a reaction.  

It’s complicated, confusing, and can bring up a lot of different emotions if you’re on the opposite end of the spectrum from co-workers, family or friends.  Are there people in your life you’d like to spend time with, but they’re being more cautious?  What can you do to spend more time with them?  Developing your own COVID-19 tool kit can help you be better prepared.  Wouldn’t it be helpful to know in advance how you’d like to handle various situations in a way that protects you as well as others while being kind and direct?  

I’ve found that being prepared is helpful in how I choose to interact with others on the COVID-19 navigation spectrum.  It’s all a learning process, and as I determine what it is I want and need, I am better able make those requests of others and set boundaries which support my values.  I recently met up with a friend outside for coffee.  He happens to be more on the relaxed (around a lot more people, has people in his home) end of that spectrum and he knows I’m more cautious when it comes to physical distancing.  We sat about six feet apart and at one point he wanted to show me a video on his phone and started moving his chair closer to me.  In that split second I was forced to make a choice.  Do I say something or am I okay with him breaking the six-foot barrier? It was like a shock to my system.  One second I was relaxed drinking my coffee and the next I was on high alert.  My brain was quickly trying to comprehend what was happening when I realized he was moving his chair closer.  Part of me was in disbelief and the other part of me was saying, “HEY, do something!  Tell him to stay back.”  

In the end, I asked him to text me the link to the video, and he respected my request.  It occurred to me later that I used my strengths of prudence, honesty, and forgiveness to maintain my boundaries.  It’s weird and uncomfortable to ask people you like to stay at a distance, let alone those you have to interact with at work or strangers in the grocery store.  Even though we’ve been in this pandemic for a good seven months we’re not used to being in those situations, and do we really want to get used to it? Maybe your answer depends on who’s getting close to you.  Let’s face it, we’re all doing our best to try and navigate something that is new and keeps changing.  You may also find that your comfort level shifts with what you’re willing and not willing to do.  I know mine has.    

 For months I’ve been running and hiking with a buff (cloth face cover) and I’ve only wanted to run and hike with friends who were doing the same.  Most recently I chose to run with a couple of friends I hadn’t seen since before the pandemic.  I knew one didn’t run with a face cover and I decided to join them anyway.  What I did know was they would both be respectful of my space and safety concerns. Although I’m still cautious, I’ve relaxed a bit when it comes to being outside around others.  

You’ll be better equipped when uncomfortable situations present themselves if you pre-determine your needs and wants and how you would like to handle making requests of others around those needs and wants.  You’ll also build your confidence as you practice making requests regardless of whether or not others comply.  

 Even if you haven’t yet encountered these situations, you most likely will at some point as we continue to traverse this pandemic.  What will you do when you get there?  If you’re interested in developing your own COVID – 19 tool kit, you can contact me at Lesli@leslismithcoaching.  You have every right to protect yourself whether it’s COVID-19 related or not.  Who else is going to do that for you?